AANSHU (Tear) !!!

These are the lines from "Rat Pashmeene Ki" by Gulzar. I liked it so much ....

Lafzzo (words) ke daant (teeth) nahin hote, par katte (bite) hain
aur katlen (bite) to unke zakhm (wounds) nahin bharte.
Har roj madrason (academy) main 'teacher' aate hain ..
chhah - chhah (six) ghante alfaaz (words) lutate rahte hain ,
barason ke ghise, berang se (colourless), beaahang se (not in tone),
feeke (tasteless) lafz ki unmain ras (savor) bhi nahin hai,
manee (essence) bhi nahin.
Ek bheega hua , chhalka-chhalka,woh lafz bhi hai,
jab dard (pain) chhue to aankhon main bhar aata hai,
kahne ke liye lab (lip) hilte nahin,
aankhon se adaa (accomplish) ho jaata hai.

Exams Exams Exams ......

Again life has become hell for next few weeks because of End Semester Exams.I am just mugging the course without knowing anything. My friend Rahul is always with me at the exam time. We both helplessly try to complete the course but always don't make it possible.
why am I preparing for it??? I don't have any short of interest in my department. I don't wanna pursue my career in chemical engineering. Then why why why ....???? I am getting really frustrated. Sometimes it seems that I am wasting my time here. I want to read novels, literature, autobiography and many new non technical books. I want to roam around to see the world. I want to meet with different kinds of people and their religions. I want to live with children. I love them and always want to spend some time with them. Even I am thinking to pursue my career in primary education where I can spend lots of time with them.
Sometimes I feel that I have committed a mistake to choose a technical line. I don't know how will it help in future????
Still I will have to wait for next year to get my degree. Hey God !! do something ...I am helpless.

Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

Al Pacino's Inch By Inch speech !!

I don't know what to say really.
Three minutes
to the biggest battle of our professional lives
all comes down to today.
Either
we heal
as a team
or we are going to crumble.
Inch by inch
play by play
till we're finished.
We are in hell right now, gentlemen
believe me
and
we can stay here
and get the shit kicked out of us
or
we can fight our way
back into the light.
We can climb out of hell.
One inch, at a time.

Now I can't do it for you.
I'm too old.
I look around and I see these young faces
and I think
I mean
I made every wrong choice a middle age man could make.
I uh....
I pissed away all my money
believe it or not.
I chased off
anyone who has ever loved me.
And lately,
I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know when you get old in life
things get taken from you.
That's, that's part of life.
But,
you only learn that when you start losing stuff.
You find out that life is just a game of inches.
So is football.
Because in either game
life or football
the margin for error is so small.
I mean
one half step too late or to early
you don't quite make it.
One half second too slow or too fast
and you don't quite catch it.
The inches we need are everywhere around us.
They are in ever break of the game
every minute, every second.

On this team, we fight for that inch
On this team, we tear ourselves, and everyone around us
to pieces for that inch.
We CLAW with our finger nails for that inch.
Cause we know
when we add up all those inches
that's going to make the fucking difference
between WINNING and LOSING
between LIVING and DYING.

I'll tell you this
in any fight
it is the guy who is willing to die
who is going to win that inch.
And I know
if I am going to have any life anymore
it is because, I am still willing to fight, and die for that inch
because that is what LIVING is.
The six inches in front of your face.

Now I can't make you do it.
You gotta look at the guy next to you.
Look into his eyes.
Now I think you are going to see a guy who will go that inch with you.
You are going to see a guy
who will sacrifice himself for this team
because he knows when it comes down to it,
you are gonna do the same thing for him.

That's a team, gentlemen
and either we heal now, as a team,
or we will die as individuals.
That's football guys.
That's all it is.
Now, whattaya gonna do?

Book Fair

I found something interesting this week. It was a technology book fair and I was not at all interested in going there. I don’t like technical books but thanks to Chandan who took me there on Wednesday. Surprisingly I found some good non technical books. I purchased a few like “Discovery of India by Nehru, ‘Who Moved My Cheese?’ by DR.Spencer Johnson, ‘Great disasters of 20th centaury’ and ‘Raat Pashmeene Ki’ by Gulzar”. I developed a hobby of reading in my second year and I’m happy that it still persists but it costs me so much. I spent nearly 500 bucks on these books. This month I shall have to cut down my expenditure to compensate for the deficit.
As soon as I came in my room with the new books, I started reading “Who Moved My Cheese?” It was a simple parable that reveals profound truths. It was an amusing and enlightening story of four characters that lived in a maze and looked for cheese to nourish them and made them happy. Really the book was really good and I felt that it is very much related to our lives and changes. This story shows how to anticipate change, adapt to change quickly, enjoy quickly and be ready to change quickly again. This story takes less than an hour to read but its unique insights can last for a lifetime.
I am unhappy that my endsem exams are coming and I shall not be able to devote enough time in reading these books.

In the Cape LAb

It is really interesting to write something for "My Blog" from the CAPE lab in the department. Actually there was a brake of one hour for the next class and all my friends were busy in seeing their midterm papers. I wasn't at all interested in it so I came in the Lab to do something on the net. Cape stand for "Computer added process engineering". I found two M.techs who were busy in yahoo messenger. As chemical engineers hardly work in the computation part so we haven't introduce to this lab so far but the lab itself is very good in contrast with the other labs(mostly are from 70's). Something need to be changed like in the curriculam and labs. We should have been introduced to computational part than theoritical. Department is really disgusting and I'm desperately hoping to get my degree as soon as possible. I have a boring class right now but as attendence is compulsary so I'm going.

Mother...

Our mess remains off on every Friday night. This Friday I was with my friends Rituraj (Atal), Tarun and Rahul. Rituraj told a story by Ravindranath Tagore on the dinning table. Story goes like this…
A boy was in love with a girl so one day he decided to propose to her. Somehow he strengthened himself and told her about his feelings. She replied in affirmative but kept a demand in front of him. She asked him to bring ‘Kaleja (Heart)” of his mother. The boy was in love with her so passionately that he couldn’t say no to her. He came back to home. His mother was waiting for him on lunch so she said “ Beta munh haath dho lo khana tayyar hai (get fresh lunch is ready)”. When the boy heard these words he left out the plan to kill her and hid the knife. It wasn’t possible for him to forget the girl so in the night he entered in his mother’s room and took the “ Kaleja(Heart)” out of her body. Next morning he went to meet the girl. He was very happy. Suddenly he was struck on the road with a stone and the “Kaleja(heart)” came out from his hands onto the road. A sound came from it “ beta kahin chot to nahin lagi (son… are you ok?)
Though we might have read this story in our school days but it is still very influential. As someone said .......

“God couldn’t be everywhere so he created mothers.”

I aspired to find someone beloved.....

At my highschool days I was ardent fan of gazals. It might be because of one of my friends Ashish. He was a great listener of gazals and shayari and because of that closeness to him, I too started listening to Jagjit Singh and Ghulam Ali. I do remember some of them even today. Yesterday while searching for some old songs I found some gazals and songs which I used to listen at that time. One of my favourite songs was from the movie "Nikah". The wordings go like this -"Dil ki ye aarzoo thi koi dilruba mile (I aspired to find someone beloved)". Yesterday I listened to this song again and feelings of my highschool days have been rambling into my mind since then. I do remember a girl in my class. She was very beautiful and all the
boys in the class used to flirt with her and I was not an exception. I never proposed her because of some fear. Six years have passed away. I am still waiting for someone. The lyrics of this song suits to my condition - "Dil ki ye aarzoo thi koi dilruba mile ". :(

Bashir Badra ki Gazalein !

I was in Kanpur at my friend's house for a day. His mother is a hindi professor so there were lots of hindi books. One book got my special attention. It was "Bashir Badra ki Gazalein". I just went through it and read some shayaries and gazalein. One of them was really very nice.
"Ujaale apni yaadon ke hamare saath rahane do ,
Na jaane kis gali main zindagi ki shaam ho jaaye"
"Dushmani jam kar karo bas etni gunjaayish rahne do,
Jab kabhi dost ban jaayen to sharminda na ho paayen"
I coudn't read all the book due to shortage of time but I liked it. I am searching for it and hope to get it soon.

I'm back

So I’m back again at kgp after eight days. These days were really great. I enjoyed a lot. As I mentioned earlier I went to Kanpur first, where I visited IITK & Rave. I stayed at my friend’s house. I was welcomed by his family. The environment of his house was wonderful. The best things were the discussions and the involvement of everyone. I’d like to go there again in future. IITK is very well constructed but is very compact. Everything is around a small circle. I couldn’t see the labs. Actually one of my friends in IITK promised me to help me while I was there but unfortunately he went away to his home for vacations. So another of my friend (Atal) and me just saw it from the outside. One thing what I found really appreciable was the security of IITK. What the hell are the security people doing here? They should learn something from them.
We then moved to Rave, a famous movie theater where we saw the movie “Bride and Prejudice”. I needn’t mention the movie but obviously the theater was up to its fame. There were lots of beautiful gals. Ah! What could I do but only watch themL. Hey!!! God do something for me also. I had a train at night but it also got late by three hours.
Next few days were full of peace. I slept, ate and saw T.V. I met some of my friends who are doing their engineering from Agra. Finally the day arrived on which I had a train to Kgp. These eight days were in contrast to my monotonous Kgp life. Though I had a very short time to enjoy but something is always better than nothing.

Going Home.............

Finally I am going home after nearly three months. These days were really hard. I desperately needed a change from my monotonous life here. This time my schedule is very hectic. Vacations are from 16th to 24th so I am going tomorrow to Kanpur with Rituraj (kgp junta calls him “Atal”). Atal is from Kanpur. I’ll stay in his house for one day. I plan to visit IITK to see how they are different from us. I’ll probably go to Rave, a famed theater. I don’t remember the last time I saw a movie in a theater. On 17th night I’ll take a train from Kanpur to Agra and hopefully I’ll reach my home on 18th morning. I am waiting for home made food … yummy. I wish I had wings so that I could have reached there within a few minutes. I’ll leave for Kota on 20th to meet my brother. It’s a one night journey. I’ll be there for a day then will return back home on 22nd. Alas! I’ll end up spending only five days at home. I am scheduled to return on 24th. I am short on time but I think the next few days is going to be great fun.

Veer Zaara

I am an ardent fan of hindi music. These days I am listening to the songs of Veer Zaara. Songs of Veer Zaara are heart rendering. The music is so melodious that I can't help listening to it time and again. Songs "Do pal", "Tere Liye" and "Main Yahan Hoon" are very rhythmic. I was amazed, when I heard that the music of Veer Zaara was composed thirty years before by Late Madan Mohan. Lata's voice is also marvelous. She seems to be thirty year younger with this music. Kash mere paas bhi koi Zaara hoti (I wish even i had a Zaara).....
" Do pal ka khwabon ka karwan, aur phir chal diye tum kahan hum kahan"

My Name

My name is Roopak. Why did my parents choose this name for me, even I don’t know. I feel, it might be because it sounded very well and it was not like a traditional name at those days. As a child when I used to ask my parents the meaning of my name all that they would say was that “it’s a type of ALANKAR”. I don’t know the exact word in English for “ALANKAR” so I will try to elaborate it according to Hindi literature. Someone who decorates or makes things more attractive by adding something is called “ALANKAR”. Am I attractive enough?
What would have happened if my name was not Roopak? Would it effect anyhow? My family astrologer had predicted that my name should start with ‘Gya’ so my grandfather suggested names like ‘Gyanprakash’, ‘Gyanchand’ e.t.c. What if my name would have been ‘Gyanprakash’ or ‘Gyanchand’? Has my life been shaping up according to my name?
I don’t believe in the modernity of the name thus I can say that it hardly matters whether your name is ‘Gyanprakash’ or ‘Roopak’. I am very confused. I am very confused.

My life these days

After exams finally I got time to write and do other stuffs. I was busy in completing my web page this weekend. But still there is lots of work have to be done. I have to upload my articles and poems. I am trying to be acquainted with hindi font for my hindi poems, really it is a very time consuming work.If interested you can check out my web page (http://www.freewebs.com/roopakagrawal).
Yesterday (as right now time is 2:25 am) I participated in english elocution. I was little bit nervous in the starting but finally came out from nervousness and performed according to my expectations. My friends advised me to improve my accent. So now I am trying to improve it. Chandan, Jitesh and Nitin are very talented guys of my wing. I always try to learn something from these people and hope to continue it further.
Weather of Kgp is really unpredictable. Yesterday was very hot and humid but today it rained very heavily. Our match was postponed. As night cricket tournament is going on in my hall,everyone is charged and geared up to bring Trophy to their wings. My team has reached in the semis. Avinsh came out to be a good bowler unexpectedly, he took 4 wickets in each match. Rajat also performed well as an opener. Wish us good luck for winning the Trophy.
I have a boring class from 8:30. Attendence is compulsory and I've bunk last two classes so I am going to sleep. bbye...

Here I am !

Exams are going on ....so life is very tense. I am desperately hoping to get over these hillarious exams as soon as possible. Today was Rxn Engineering Exam.....couldn't do very well as usual. Next exam is on 23th ,till then have little peace.
Hey keep ur passion alive....I'll write something regularily after my exams.